So, Shopify is suggesting I do things again...It told me to write about this subject by saying it right in the title text box before I had a chance to think about what I was going to write about.
I like the help in content creation but am I even an individual any more? Am I even in control of my destiny? Do I even have any real autonomy or am I just another cog in the ever growing online shopping wormhole machine that is steam rolling shopping malls and re-sculpting the virtual landscape that is our relationship to retail all across the world.
My latest deal is:
!!20% OFF ALL HALLOWEEN ITEMS!!
Pretty legit right? I mean, 20 percent off! This is a proper professional retail store move. It looks good, I want to buy something, you most definitely want to buy something now. I can tell, that's what the 20% thing does to you, it's like a brain hack. 20 percent is a significant price decrease. If 5 cent candies were on sale for 4 cents you couldn't just scroll through all the flavors and laugh at their appearance and just simply walk out of the candy store. You would inevitably be coerced into purchasing those little gelatinous morsels of faux fruit goodness because no frugal fiend of candy can pass up an offer that sweet.
I'm the greenest rookie on the field when it comes to online marketing. I have only spent money on advertising once and it was to promote this epic 20 percent off sale. What did I decide to use my first ever advertising budget on? Well I'm glad you asked it's this super original Halloween campaign that consists of one Facebook ad running to people in Portland. Pretty mind blowing e-commerce wizardry I know. If you live in Portland then you've probably seen punmug just blowing up. A $70 ad run can be pretty effective in searing my logo into every portland facebook users brain. Oh another thing. I've officially become sick of how much sarcasm I just wrote, none of that was true back to a few lines ago. I have a sarcasm problem. I don't know if I should write sarcastically, it never goes well.
Here's the first graphic I made. Thought it was sweet, tried to upload it to facebook but I got denied! and then I learned about the 20 percent rule.
In a nutshell, Facebook only uses an image if the text doesn't take up more than 20 percent of the ad size.
I edited the text and tried to submit this:
REJECTED AGAIN! Damn you Facebook.
I gave it another go made the lamest smallest text and shuffled the mugs around a bit.
This left a bad taste in my mouth about the whole process and made me want to reanalyze my advertising design strategy. I think that last one is kinda weak. I don't even have a proper logo going on or anything eye catching. No explosions, kittens, sex, violence, mustard, pickles, or hotsauce. I needed some guidance so I prayed to the internet gods by offering a text sacrifice at the altar of Godgle.
When I summoned the beast i entered the phrase: "help with designing facebook ads" and godgle spoke. The first link offered, in a thin-lined box, was:
And I read it.. Not true, I read the first line, and told myself I have to read that as soon as I'm done writing this blog post so I can focus on it and then I wont have to be distracted by trying to stay in a state where I create run on sentences in my head and try to transcribe them on the keyboard without really doing any editing so as to ensure full writing fluidity and to maintain the integrity of this website because I never stop thinking about how this is all here to supply a product that I can exchange for your money but that's a kinda sad way to look at this whole scenario so I figure the best way to deal with that is to be just fully open with my process of learning how to market stuff online so find something on here that you like i guarantee they are all high quality top of the line products and buy it i hope this isn't weird.
I'm going to learn stuff about facebook ads and then I'm going to tell you what I learned so hurry back now and don't miss another god damned blog post ever! EVER.
WAIT BETTER, JOIN THE FRIGGIN MAILING LIST. THEY ALL SAY YOU NEED AN EMAIL LIST SO YOU CAN ADVERTISE STUFF TO PEOPLE WHO CARE ABOUT WHAT THE HELL YOU'RE SELLING. IS THAT YOU? IT COULD BE YOU, NO ONE HAS JOINED YET!!! EXCEPT MY TWO BROTHERS, LOVE YOU BROS! BUT YOU SHOULD JOIN TOO BECAUSE YOU LIKE MY BLOG POSTS AND THEY ENTERTAIN YOU AND YOU NEVER WANT TO MISS ANOTHER ONE AGAIN BECAUSE THEY JUST GET BETTER AND BETTER THE MORE YOU READ. ONCE YOU READ ONE IT MAKES THE LAST ONE FUNNIER AND IF YOU READ THAT ONE IT MAKES THE ONE YOU'RE READING NOW FUNNIER BECAUSE THEY'RE ALL SOOO FUNNY. THESE BLOG POSTS ARE LIKE TREES AND THEY'RE PRETTY TREES BUT IF YOU ADD UP ALL THE PRETTY THE WHOLE BLOG POST FORREST IS MUCH MORE PRETTIER, THAT'S THE SCIENCE BEHIND THIS BLOG.
too strong? I need feedback.
No new products, come back tomorrow.