Ok, I gotta grab your attention. Capital leters, big font size.. oooh! different colour, too many exclamation marks, here we go:
!!!!DON'T MISS THIS ONCE IN A LIFETIME OPPORTUNITY!!!!!
That's right, the first ever Black Friday sale in punmugs short history. What a momentous occasion. What am I, an e-commerce trendsetter, offering you, our loyal fan base, on this commercially manufactured spend-fest of a holday season? I present to you:
THE BLACK FRIDAY TSHIRT SPECIAL - ALL T's ARE FREES*.
Yup, free*. And the fine print isn’t even that small! It’s kinda smaller than the rest of this post but fine? I think it’s just fine. All you have to do is pay the listed price plus shipping, but good news! the listed price has been SLASHED! KAPOW! FREEDOM!
* All T-shirts on punmug.com cost money. The !!LIMITED EDITION 2019 BLACK FRIDAY T-SHIRT!! is not free, it costs 21 us dollars.
To commemorate this momentous milestone in our journey to achieve online retail greatness our creative staff have developed a special T-shirt design:
The !!LIMITED EDITION 2019 BLACK FRIDAY T-SHIRT!!
We're only printing 50 of these collector items, so don't hesitate to get yours right now.
What are we looking at here? Let me tell you.
Coming in at a combined total fabric weight of 4.2 oz (142 g/m2) the limited edition 2019 Black Friday T-Shirt is made of 100% combed and ring-spun cotton. What does that mean? Well basically the cotton's longer and stronger, like your sense of humor when you show up with such a hilarious story describing the origins of this collectors item. And it's unisex because we make no assumptions at punmug. You know what they say about assumptions, they make an ass out of umptions. What are umptions? Well, Urban Dictionary says the definition of umption is a "Motivaton to do something, or driveing force." For example" "I'm sure glad I had the umption to research the word umption." I don't know how credible the authority Urban Dictionary holds on the definitions of made up words is. That typo is a direct quote from their webpage. Who moderates that stuff? I left it in there for authenticity, but I'm going to go with their definition on this one.
So assumptions make uptions an ass. Never forget that as you are purchasing your !!LIMITED EDITION 2019 BLACK FRIDAY T-SHIRT!!.
Worried that if you invest in such a rare gift you will be emotionally ruined when your washing machine inevitably shrinks your newly minted prize possession? Fear not fellow punny bun. the LIMITED EDITION 2019 BLACK FRIDAY T-SHIRT's cotton fabric comes to your home pre-shrunk. You're welcome.
What's shoulder-to-shoulder taping? Who knows! but our !!LIMITED EDITION 2019 BLACK FRIDAY T-SHIRT!! has it. Just rest assured this shirt will be comfortable and durable for many years to come.
And if you look at the sides of the shirt you'll see stitching, so it seems the shirt's side-seamed, which is cool. Side-seamed means that it's not a tube shirt and that's the way you want it. Tube shirts are weird.
Anyways, buy the shirt, you will be one of 50 people lucky enough to do so.
I'll also give you a 25% off coupon that you can use on your next purchase! Damn! I just thought of that! That's what I'm gonna do, BOOM! How can you even resist such an awesome deal?!
At this point you’re probably wondering who has the audacity to offer you a plain black T-shirt for 21 bucks. I understand, that’s ludicrous. sometimes my sarcasm gets out of hand. If you so chose to purchase this limited item then take comfort in the fact that you won’t be buying just any plain old t-shirt. There are some unique features that are purposefully kept hidden to everyone unless they scroll this far down in this blog post. Here are the two features that make this shirt unique:
See, there’s at least something on it!
What? Not unique enough? Damn your a hard sell. Ok there’s one more thing I can show you. Like mom always said, don’t judge an overpriced T by the cover, it’s what’s on the inside that counts.
That’s right, it’s the cute little Instagram cat logo! So much quality packed in on lovely (not so plain old) black T-shirt for Black Friday. That’s how you celebrate a made up holiday designed to stoke the fires of consumerism. Now I know you are sold so lock down your very own right now by clicking here.
Thank you for your loving support.